Neji Goes Blind
by Please Kill The Artist
Summary: summer has just begun in konoha everyone happy for the vacation awaiting them, but for neji his pain was just about to begin.
1. The panic begins

Neji Goes Blind

It was a beautiful summer day. Early in the morning birds were singing peacefully, children were happily playing outside, laughing and enjoying the day. But all that had changed when a young genin by the name of Hyuuga Neji. The Neji most call a genius ninja of Konohagakure. That one summer morning Neji had woken up; like most people when we wake up we're drowsy and are so tired it seems that we just can't see for a few seconds...but for Neji, the Hyuuga clan _tensai,_ it lasted more than a few seconds…

Three minutes of silence as Neji was processing inside his mind, he finally spoke… no… _screamed_ at the top of his lungs

"IM FREAKING _BLIND_!"

He then got up in such a rush to get to the door and find someone to help that he ran his body full force into the wall. Neji stood sitting on the floor for a few moments until he heard _"his" _voice; the voice of someone he considered to be the demon of his world; the voice of a man that Neji thought was one hundred times more evil than Gaara.

He heard the voice coming from down the hall calling for him. Neji was in such a shock, that he wished he hadn't panicked and run himself into the wall. For now he could only wait; maybe the fates would smile upon him and make said person go away. Unfortunately, said fates also put him in the Branch House instead of the Main House, so they shouldn't be trusted, but that's besides the point. Just when he thought the worst was over it happened… _"he" _came….  
The door burst open and the demon spoke the words Neji hated with a passion; the words that made him wish he was _dead_; words so torturous to Neji it made him wish he were _deaf_.

The voice could belong to no other than… (avert your eyes young ones) "_Maito Gai_" !! The only man Neji could feel pain just by hearing him speak! Gai almost out of breath had said to Neji

"What's wrong _BURNING YOUTH NEJI_!?, I heard a _LOUD CRASH _and came as _FAST_ as _I_ could _INVINSIBLY AND CONVICINGLY!!_"

Neji could only curse those wretched fates at the irony of this situation. But couldn't complain for he needed help even though this was the outcome. Neji cleared his throat and spoke.

"Gai-sensei I've gone _blind_… I woke up this mourning and I couldn't se-"

Neji was cut off in mid sentence as Gai spoke

"Neji you are not _BLIND!!_ your eyes have always been _LAVENDER!!_ It's your eye trait _BYAKUGAN! _You were born with those color of eyes."

Neji began to twitch at the idiotic remark Gai had made, which made Neji's hate for him grow stronger and want to kill him even more… but he couldn't. But he could only try to explain his situation. Neji sighed in hope that maybe this time he'd understand it but before he could… a voice was heard… _screaming_; maybe in decibels higher then the "Demon-known-as-Maito-Gai" Neji knew who was screaming. There was no doubt about it. the son of the devil himself that goes by the name of "Rock Lee"

"Gai-sensei, _GAI-SENSEI_!!!!!!"

Lee screamed… no… _screeched_.  
"Gai-sensei _WHAT HAPPENED??_!!"

Neji now decided more than ever that he wanted to die. He tried to block out the fact that Gai and his demon son, Lee were in his room by thinking of soothing thoughts. Like Gai and Lee getting hit by trucks, or being run over by a train (or beating the hell out of Hinata… just for the sake of it) This way Neji came up with so many ways of killing the moron due that he began to laugh hysterically throwing himself to the floor so hard Gai and Lee thought he had been hurt completely ignoring the fact he was laughing hysterically. Lee was confused and Gai was worried, more or less. Lee then asked

"Gai-sensei, what's wrong with Neji?!_ IT SEEMS TO ME THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG_!"  
Gai sighed and replied

"Neji thinks he has gone blind because of his eye color and now it seems he has lost his mind. Poor kid I think the fire of his youth is burning out"

After a few minutes of insane laughter (because it is normal to laugh insanely from time to time) Neji realized there was something wrong in his room. It consisted of he himself, Gai and Rock Lee. Neji thought

"hmm… something's not right. Something feels like it's missing, but what could it be?"

Neji stood in slight thought for a good five minutes and was in twitching shock for what he had realized. For it was only a short matter of time before the she-beast with an accuracy rate that will knock your socks off (yes my friends you guessed it) _Tenten!_ had stormed in. His mind began to panic, he didn't know what to say or do, he couldn't run out the door because Gai and Lee were in the room and beside he'd probably run into the wall again. He thought of the window but he wouldn't be able to find it since he was on the seventh floor, and as far as he was concerned he had no plans of dying anytime soon. But with the demon, its son and the she-beast he pondered on the fact that maybe it was time for him to do a _living_ will...


	2. The beginning of things to come

On the Previous Chapter

… His mind began to panic, he didn't know what to say or do, he couldn't run out the door because Gai and Lee were in the room and beside he'd probably run into the wall again. He thought of the window but he wouldn't be able to find it since he was on the seventh floor, and as far as he was concerned he had no plans of dying anytime soon. But with the demon, its son and the she-beast he pondered on the fact that maybe it was time for him to do a _living_ will...

'DAMN! DAMN DAMN **_DAMN DAMN DAMN_**!'

Neji started screaming inside of his mind so loud it covered the sounds of Gai and Lee's voices.

'Curse my luck! What have I done to deserve such malevolent karma? Dearest fate why have you forsaken me… _again_!'

He could only whimper these words in his mind, he could only wish to cry and have such a massive breakdown. But Neji couldn't do it; he couldn't let out his cries because if he did then Gai and Lee would only anger him more with idiotic remarks he could only imagine that roamed in their heads.

'This _cannot_ and _should not _stop _meh!_ I'm a _genius_ damnit!'

Neji knew he could come up with some kind of idea to fix what could possibly be a disastrous and very much permanent situation. Ideas, ideas, _ideas_!!The numerous ideas Neji could think of but at the moment, when he desperately _needed _ideas, he was only drawing _blanks_, how _nice…_ he couldn't focus, that much is true; his mind was busy throwing itself into everything that was happening right now. For a brief moment Neji started to question why _he_ of _all people_ had gone blind; why were Gai  
and Lee still in his room _not blind!! _(C'mon! there has to be something _wrong_ in the balance of the cosmic universe for _he, _a_ genius _I might add, to be _blind, _of _all _things to be! and two complete _buffoons _who can't even use Ninjutsu and Genjutsu, who are annoying to top it off are _not_ by any means _blind!_) What did he do to deserve such ill-fated luck? Could this be another trick to prove the Main House is better than the Branch House? (Which is not) The biggest question of all though, that Neji repeated in his head over and over again: How long until the she-beast Tenten ran in to take complete advantage of the situation?

Gai and Lee had been staring at Neji for about the past ten minutes. Neji hadn't realized but during his deep thought he had begun to bite his blanket much like a dog on a chew toy. It seemed he was going to completely rip his sheets in half (or worse nibble it to death!). He was also massively looking back and forth from right to left in panic of all his questions. Neji had been in deep thought for so long it looked as if he was no longer in touch with the real world. Lee was concerned but didn't know what to  
do; being the nice Lee that he is, he _really_ did want to help, so out of concern he lightly taped Neji on the shoulder to try and wake Neji up of his stupor.

Instantly though, Neji freakedoutand smacked Lee into the wall so hard it gave him concussion. Neji knew what he did. In hindsight he was glad, he had finally found a method to shut Lee up. Even though Neji loved and cherished each and every moment that Lee wasn't talking, he knew that it was a bit over the top. Beside such holy things as Lee not speaking wouldn't last very long. He could only predict Gai to start frantically screaming for Lee and, surprise, _surprise, _that's exactly what he did.

Neji braced himself for all that he was about to hear from Gai because of what happened. He knew as soon as it started he would want to kill himself instantly, the headaches of a happy Gai are too much as it is, no need to add a very _angry_ Gai to the equation. Neji had to sit through it for he was blind and there was nothing he could do to change that (albeit denying would seem the lesser evil, Neji tried, believe me he _tried)_. It is already stated that running away was not even an option.

Gai was in shock as he stared at Lee unconscious, lying on the floor. He was certainly left speechless at what he had just witnessed. But inside he knew Neji was stressed, he _is _his student after all, so he believes he knows him best. Gai sighed and cleared his throat as he looked at Neji and began to speak.

"Neji I see you are not feeling so well. I am _very_ concerned about your health and the state of mind you're in. I will take Lee to the doctors and leave you to rest. When you want to leave your room, come find us, when your feeling better that is."

Neji was amazed he was blind but he knew exactly how his  
facial expression would look due to hearing Gai actually say something well…not _idiotic!_ Maybe smart, but lets not go _that _far.  
Neji thought his own face would look like he had just opened his eyes for the very first time; much like a babies face when u play peek-a-boo. He closed his eyes and nodded with respect and thanked Gai for finally understanding him. He was happy that Gai for once in his life had actually listened to him even if it was because he had knocked Lee into a state of unconsciousness.  
Gai walked over to Lee and thought if only he didn't freak Neji out, they could still be able to help him with his dilemma. Gai lifted Lee into his arms and bid Neji farewell loudly and flamboyantly; being Gai, he gave him the "nice guy pose" promising that Neji _will_ feel better or he would do ten thousand push-ups with one hand. He leaped off the window into a sunset he always appears to be in a moments notice with tears in his eyes.

Neji was relived that he had finally been left alone to think of a way to solve his problem. It was finally quiet, relaxing and peaceful once again. He threw his head onto his pillow and closed his eyes to calm himself and think.

'How…_how_!'

He thought to himself what will happen to him in the future, and more importantly, if he would ever see again. Slowly but surely Neji began little by little to drift in and out of sleep. He was finally and completely relaxed, a feat he never had time for since he was always training to the point of exhaustion. As he laid his restless body and thought nothing of the numerous tomorrows and todays; right now though, all he wanted was what would be an extremely long and well deserved nap.

Before he could go into the darkness of sleep and dream, he heard a voice, a very faint voice. He then drowsily got up from his bed in wonder of whom the voice belonged to. It was close to hear but to far to really know what it was saying or who it belonged to. So he continued to wonder about it. The voice still faint Neji decided to wait till it got closer, he began to think and in grim realization, he remembered earlier his room consisted of only him, Gai, Lee and… there was one person missing.

Neji was in a state of panic of the thoughts in his mind. He began to climb back further to the back of his bed in fear of what was about to happen. He began to twitch as he slowly lifted his covers over his head, as he reached the blanket up to his neck the door slowly opened with a slow, long and terrifying squeak and  
Neji's worst nightmare had come to be as the voice spoke softly to him.

"Neji…oh _Neji_"

Neji was officially frightened more than ever for he knew whom the voice belonged to. Neji was still paralyzed in his panicked state he could only think really hard and really loud:

'Noooo, this can't be! Why must life hate me so?!'

Neji wanted to die now no matter what it took. He just wanted Raiga with a lightning bolt to strike him this instant, better being killed by a pedophiliac then the owner of that demonic voice. (I didn't forget she was still there did you?) who belongs to none other than _Tenten_!

He heard every step get closer as she walked in the door. But if that wasn't enough Neji heard something that he never  
wanted or thought he'd ever hear; it was worse than Gai, _and _Lee being in his room talking over each other continuously. The sound he heard was so frightening it would give him nightmares for months. He heard as Tenten walked in the door and then closed it. Neji wanted to cry, for Tenten had the door locked now , his salvation and only means to escape.

Neji's lips were quivering in fear as he heard step by step as Tenten got closer. The steps then came to a complete halt; he heard what would be a heavy bag hitting the floor.

'What is she gonna do? What was she planning?'

He was afraid to say anything at all, and completely paralyzed in fear. Tenten began to open the zipper of the bag while  
she spoke to Neji.

"Neji…I…I like you"

The She-Beast said with a devious smile on her face that Neji could not see it, but he didn't want to, imagining it was enough.

"I like you a lot…and I mean _a lot!_"

Neji was more scared than ever, horrible thoughts and images entered his mind as he was still trapped on his bed by fear.

"You see Neji..I…I find you very…very _sexy_"

'no, no, _no!_ dear deities of this world please spare me! _PLEASE!!!_'

Neji was seriously mentally hyperventilating now.

'What is she gonna do? Could this be the end of my existence as I know it? Is she going to kill me!? Or… or _worse_?!!'

He began to massively panic though he still couldn't speak, he was to nervous and afraid to pay any real attention to what she was saying he couldn't hear her over the sound… no _panicked__screams…_ of his own thoughts. He didn't know what he was in for and he couldn't imagine of what was going to happen next. After a few second of silence that felt more like eons of the unknown, he heard what sounded like to steels softly hitting off each other. "noooo! she's gonna stab me with two knives or will she cut my throat or torture me slowly and enjoy every moment of my pain!"

Neji forgetting that he is a _tensai_, and going into the common state of delirium, he wished that he hadn't knocked out Lee and forced Gai to leave because of it, so they could be in his room protecting him. He was still panicking when then he felt the cold, smooth metal run up his leg and felt Tenten's hand grab his  
wrist as he felt Tenten was over him on the bed

"She gonna cut my wrist, let my blood flow slowly and make me die in a very painful and slow death!"

Neji tried to use his strength to pull away.

"Shh… don't try to move it will only postpone the inevitable, just… relax"

Tenten whispered in an arousing manner as if she just wanted Neji to quietly accept his death. Neji felt the metal graze his  
wrist

'This is it'

Neji said to himself, but after feeling the graze he heard a click and a few more after it and felt something wrapped around  
he wrist

'What is this? What is she doing'

Neji was now confused.

'Why hasn't she killed me? Why don't I feel my flesh being cut by her knives?'

Out of all moments he tried to move his right hand away but he was stuck, something was locked onto his wrist and what seemed also stuck to the headboard of his bed. He then slowly in fear used his left hand to feel what was holding him and gasped.

'It can't be it just _can't_ _be!_ That thing… is it a _hand_-_cuff_?_'_

Tenten then grabbed his left hand and lifted it to the headboard and did the same. Neji didn't know what to think anymore he was extremely confused to what she was thinking. In mid-thought he felt Tenten's legs pressed at his side as she was sitting on him, he was more confused then ever instead of scared. Tenten took the pins out of her hair and let it down as it flowed down her back as she looked at Neji's confused but slightly defeated face, which made her giggle like a child in sights of her favorite candy. She ran her hands through her hair to loosen it as she then placed her right hand on his cheek. She moved in close to Neji's ear and whispered in his ear

"I really love you Neji and... I love bondage"...


	3. Can torture be any worse

On the Previous Chapter

…She ran her hands through her hair to loosen it as she then placed her right hand on his cheek. She moved in close to Neji's ear and whispered in his ear

"I really love you Neji and... I love bondage"...

Hearing what was just said to him, he saw his life shatter before him. All he had done in his life, all he had suffered, just to be repaid like _this_?! Was there no end to his suffering!?

Neji thought to himself that with his dad dead his only tie to an _inconsequentially_ _normal_ childhood, was cut, mangled, and destroyed before it began (He is a _Hyuuga_ the term _significant normalcy_ is by no means in the Hyuuga vocabulary, or train of thought for that matter) For a while he thought _that_ was his worst experience. Then comes his shameful _"victory" _towards Hinata-sama, it would be something he would be smug about, but the match was stopped, making his victory look highly questionable toward those "_idiots_" who-will-_not_-be-named! He thought _that _was his worst experience. Then there's his disgraceful and very much unexpected defeat. To think that a dead last could defeat _the_ genius of the Hyuuga clan (very _Naruto_-ish, but disgraceful nonetheless) Lets just say Neji really, _really _believed _that _was his worst experience. Lets not forget _Kidoumaru_ A.K.A "The Japanese Spiderman Rip-Off" or "_Spidey_" for short; he almost died fighting that freak, for an idiot to stop _another idiot _that wanted to leave the Konoha. He truly, seriously believed that was _the _worst experience to date. If _he_ thought things could not _possibly _get any worse, he was _wrong_! He had to thank _Tenten_ for _that _unholy revelation.

While he was spacing out, Tenten raised herself up with a giggle as she looked at Neji's confused face. Just having him in this state made her want to love every moment more and more. Neji never prepared himself for such a situation like this and he sure as hell didn't know what to do with someone that wanted him this badly and enjoyed bondage to top it off.

"Oh Neji, what should we do first there's just so many things but I just can't choose!"

Tenten ended her musings by deciding to simply bite his neck. Neji couldn't stay like in this position any longer; it was degrading and embarrassing. He thought of Gai rescuing him, but he decided against it since he would probably tell Lee. Of course Lee, _being Lee_, would never _ever _give him a days's peace. He had to do something and had to do it fast; nobody knows what this girl was capable of doing. But as we have covered in the last chapters, the Hyuuga _genius_ that can see such _profound_ things as tenketsu, had _nothing_! Isn't that _grand_!?

But what could he possibly do if he couldn't see… Neji had to think of something, his genius title is at stake here!

"Byakugan!… yes my Byakugan!!"  
Neji celebrated in his mind with massive joy. He sighed in relief that he found a way to turn the tables. Tenten felt him smile and though it was of contentment, the sigh he made she thought it for a blissful defeat.

"Yes, he's enjoying this just as much as I am... I wonder, maybe even _more_ than me?

Neji out of complete desperation to see through his own blind eyes he tried to focus all of his chakra and use it in one go. He then screamed loudly due to the massive migraine of excessive strain on the eyes. He understood the error of his ways but didn't realize what he had just done for Tenten and her _deranged_ fetish. After hearing him scream as loud as he did, he had only stimulate her more than she _already_ was.

She then gave Neji one of those forceful bites and lifted  
herself in a sitting position

"Neji! You don't know how.. _mmm_.. _great_ that   
made me feel right now?.. I want you now more than ever, now that I know you like this too!"

Neji once again wanted to die _really badly!_ He even thought being in the Mangekyou Sharingan was more peaceful than _this_! Neji's mind drastically went through ideas left and right until he came to a memory while Tenten was being her good old deranged self.

His flash back made Neji do the unthinkable and actually _consider_ being grateful for his good-for-nothing teacher and his demon-spawn. The two fools without any knowledge of respectable jutsus actually taught him something he never thought he'd have to use, but this moment was perfect. He realized he could finally use his legs now.

He whispered to Tenten to release him. She was confused since she wasn't done; but Neji _did_ say please. She asked why she would do such a foolish thing. He simply replied that he knew a jutsu that could make this (whatever _it _was) more enjoyable.

Tenten got so excited she didn't contemplate on what Neji was implying to do. Thus she quickly released him; he was thankful for her temporary short attention span. Neji knew that Tenten was the type to plan ahead, her methods of "_planning_-_ahead_" probably got him in this situation in the first place. For her mistake he _could_ get away, but he had to work fast. He quickly drew his hand signs and whispered his jutsu, so he won't startle her and make her stop him:

"Anti-date rape no jutsu"

He then forced his feet into Tenten's stomach and pushed her forward so hard she broke through the door of his room.(While all this was happening he wondered were did Gai got such an idiotic name for an attack?… then again this is Gai we're talking about)

He was finally saved from the she-beast, he could finally rest…or so he thought. As the loud breaking of a body through a door and Tenten's scream of pain as she then passed out. Gai heard the sound, very faint but enough to run to his room and see what had happened.

Neji thought it was all over and he that could finally sleep he closed his eyes once again. But then there was heard a loud bang on his door he wondered why as he was falling to sweet oblivion. As Gai stood up from his own crash he turned and saw what would be the most shocking thing to ever scar his mind: Tenten on the floor topless and with her hair cascading down her back. Gai, thinking that things couldn't get ant weirder or w_orse, _turns around to see if Neji is all right. His already wide eyes now lie upon a shirtless Neji lying in bed fast asleep. Gai wouldn't have thought much of the whole ordeal if it were only Neji in the room shirtless. But Tenten was there… shirtless as well. His eyes turned back  
and forth between a shirtless Neji and Tenten.

Gai suddenly turned delirious as he laughed over hysterically and outrageously saying between breaths how much he approves of this. He also mentioned something along the lines of telling this whole once-in-a-lifetime encounter with Lee.

"Seriously, I never _KNEW _how _POWERFUL_ their _FLAMING _power of _YOUTH _and _LOVE _was _BETWEEN_ these to. They were probably _INSPIRIED _by Lee's _FLAMING_ self-esteem that they couldn't help but be _INSPIRED!! HAW,_ _HAW,_ HAW_. I MUST _tell Lee about this, Nejiwill_ NEVER _live it down!! _HAW, HAW, HAW!_"

With that being said Gai left the two "lovers" to their own devises, he decided not to get in their way of "_hot"_ and _"passionate"_ love, as he so eloquently likes to put it. Afterwards he jumps to the windowsill and before leaving he turns around to look at them again. His eyes become a pair of never ending rivers of water as he looks upon the sunset, waves crashing against each other in a scene that only seems to follow _him_ around, straight out of a comic book…


	4. grey light at the middle of the tunnel

On the Previous Chapter

With that being said Gai left the two "lovers" to their own devises, he decided not to get in their way of "_hot"_ and _"passionate"_ love, as he so eloquently likes to put it. Afterwards he jumps to the windowsill and before leaving he turns around to look at them again. His eyes become a pair of never ending rivers of water as he looks upon the sunset, waves crashing against each other in a scene that only seems to follow _him_ around, straight out of a comic book…

He knew what happened… Neji knew all too well what just happened. For a brief moment he visualized what Gai probably would have said (while cursing the gods that were laughing at his expense for actually having no problem guessing Gai's extreme and incongruous thoughts)

Neji imagined Gai giving his boisterously loud guffaws a good workout while saying (or more like _screaming_) something completely outrageous like:

"This display of _hot_ and _PASSIONATE _love has proven that _I_ always knew these two shared a flame that _BURNS_ as _one_! _HAW-HAW_! Now that they share _ONE_ flame, Tenten will now bloom into a beautiful flower of _SPRINGTIME!_ And my once-uncaring student _NEJI_ will finally begin to sprout into a strong _TREE_ whose shade will make his blooming flower the most beautiful of _ALL_! With Lee in their team and me as their sensei, Team Ten will now be _UNSTOPPABLE_!! _HAW-HAW!! _Now my hip and cool rival's team will _eat_ their _DUST_! Yah hear that _Kakashi_?!…_AH,_ Young days are _EXPLOSIVE!! HAW-HAW-HAW!!_"

Somewhere in the distance

_"ACHOO"_

Kakashi stopped reading his X-rated book to covers his nose before going into a sneezing fit. That's right boys and girls, it has been recently found that the reason Kakashi always wears that mask of his is not only to conceal his face but to prevent him from catching a cold. Those missions with Hayate _seriously_ taught him that the common cold was _nothing_ to joke about. If the ladies thought the mask made him sexy and mysterious, then that's a plus too. Besides, _he _thinks that masks are _cool_, but he isn't going to tell anyone _that!_

People, he thought, have to be _smart_ enough to look "_underneath_ the _consealed_" to understand such a _profound_ logic on masks. Which is why Kakashi promised Shikamaru not to tell anyone about the plushy he keeps in his closet and sleeps with every night, which looks oddly similar to Temari, if Shikamaru doesn't speak a word about his "_profound_-mask-_logic_" to anyone.

Lets just say that Shikamaru kept the secret ever since.

"Kakashi-sensei, you okay? Naruto asks.

"Yeah…" Kakashi says with a stoic face, he then thinks, '_Someone's talking about me, its probably a cute girl swooning about my cool mask my and ability to see underneath the underneath, yes adorable lady, swoon all you want" _He then goes back to his reading.

Back to Neji's room

Neji figured that after Gai makes his idiotic speech, it would probably be followed by his shoes hitting the windowsill next to Neji and then while hearing the waves clash off against each other in a moments of "_love_, _passion_, and the _showing_ _of__burning_ _youth_" As Gai loves to mention over and over again. Gai would disappear into the sunset in a river of "_manly_" tears.

Apparently, now the gods that were mocking him now started to roll on the floor, tears spilling from their eyes in their endless… _mockery_.

Neji got up from his bed slowly making sure he didn't step on any glass due to Gai, being a complete health hazard to everyone around him, break through his window... _twice_!!! So Neji started to feel around for his closet so he could change from his ripped off clothes…

(At this point Neji decided to forget the whole incident and thinks of it as a non-existing experience. If Tenten so much as _whispers_ a word about it to _anyone_ or makes the _slightest_ comment about it, or tries to do _something_ to him like that again he will personally see to it that her remaining days as a kunoichi are _numbered_ and _painful_, she can think of herself as _slightly _abnormal, but at the present point of hysteria Neji could kill the Hokage and not care. He swears on the mocking gods above him that he _will_ not be humiliated like this _again, _his morals towards hitting women be damned. Besides, he thought, Tenten is no woman, but a _she_-_beast_ sent from hell bent to put him in a state of hysteria, and she's doing a _really_ good job. To the point that Neji is starting to blame her for his unfortunate blindness)

…Quickly changing those thoughts around, Neji felt his surroundings touching everything like a blind man does looking for Tenten's body. It was lying on the floor and he did the _sensible_ action of picking her unconscious body and walking (more like _stumbling_) around the room until he hit his bed and laid her down. He thought that even though she might be a _she-beast_ there would be no satisfaction on physically hurting her if she was unconscious. Neji decided to treat her "normally" (as normal as a Hyuuga like Neji might treat the opposite sex) that is until she mentions something about "the-incident-that-never-happened" even the _smallest_ thing. He was justified to punish her, he thought.

If anyone were to come in his room they would just think Tenten to be very strange and well…_sick_. Seriously, Neji thought, who lays on another person's bed… _topless?_ Only sick person would, that's who.

"Yes that will work!"

As Neji walked (more like _stumbled_ _and tripped_)cautiously down the hall, he found a conveniently located cane for him to use for his now adventurous journey of the blind. He emerged from the house relatively unscathed (_relatively_ being key word here) into the outside world where he was once able to enjoy the optical pleasure of seeing everything that lay before him plus enjoying the simple things with the help of his Hyuuga bloodline limit.

By now Neji felt much like the caged bird being released into the outside world; while happily taking its wings and flapping them to take flight for the first time toward freedom that is out of the cage… but it finds that its legs are chained tightly connecting him to the cage. Cruel fate has played the poor bird a fool, making it think it was free, when in reality it was still as bound as always, even more so then before.

Neji could no longer enjoy the views of the land set before him. So he then begins to walk aimlessly around with his walking cane hoping beyond hope to find a familiar voice that can shine even the smallest ray of hope to help with his condition. After several minutes of wandering aimlessly, he hears a familiar voice. Not necessarily _lifesaving_ but more soothing than the crazy happenings of the day with the voices of Gai, Lee, and Tenten as its starring role.

Even with the nervous stutter and polite speech pattern, Neji was forever thankful to know that Hinata-sama's voice was headed towards him. Maybe the mocking gods were taking the slightest feeling of pity towards him.

"HINATA-SAMA!!" Neji called loudly actually thankful for her existence (afterwards he justified himself for thinking such a thing on his state of hysteria).

Hinata hurried with concern to her "Neji-nii-san" as she tends to call him, and asked what was wrong with him to be screaming in happiness, to _her _noless. After a few minutes of explaining the situation on Neji's part to Hinata, while strategically leaving the "incident-that-never-happened" because since it didn't happen she didn't need to know about it. He then asked her to do him a huge favor and in some way he would repay it…

(Neji pays his debts even if it is to the main house… He might have lost his eyesight, Neji thought, but there's no way he would lose his dignity as well)

…Hinata asked what would the favor be, she deliberately didn't decline his offer to pay her back since she knew all about male Hyuuga egotism. All the while she was giggling hysterically with laughter, but was easily hid, Hinata didn't want to face the wrath of a hysterically blind Neji.

The thing was that she heard Neji's scream from his room, a lot of people heard it actually. She was ordered by her father to see what would make someone like Neji scream like that. And she did… when she reached his room, the door was slightly ajar, she wanted to say something but just then Lee was smacked to the wall with inhumane strength. She then decided to keep her mouth shut wanting to know what would happen next. After Gai left with Lee in his shoulders, she was going to say something but then heard Tenten's high-pitched singsong voice.

Lets just say that what she saw next disturbed her, but for some strange ungodly reason she couldn't turn her eyes away. She was blushing fifty different shades of vermillion while the whole thing happened. She asked herself a very important question a spectator would ask,

'Why does Neji-nii-san look so scared? Why can't he push her away?'

She got more and more confused when she heard him scream, she quickly activate her Byakugan to see what was wrong, and she noticed Neji's eye muscles were being strained far too much for a normal Hyuuga. After that she saw him touching his surroundings in a strange way. She noticed that his arm movements and the way he stumbled and tripped with every step he took oddly familiar. She then remember walking an old blind man to the market doing the same arm movements and foot steps as well before she went to his aid.

She gasped silently and activated her Byakugan and focused on his eyes, in the state she saw Neji in, she knew he wouldn't notice the Byakugan being activated. She noticed that the chakra that is supposed to be more abundant around his eye area because of the Byakugan was non-existent. She checked every other part of his body and the chakra circulating on his body wasn't normal as well. She concluded that the missing chakra on his eyes was instead spread out towards his arm and leg muscles, and since the Byakugan requires an strong concentration of chakra around the eye area this would explaining the sudden bout of inhumane strength. In other words the chakra that wasn't on Neji's eyes was divided to his arms and legs giving him something close to superhuman strength.

Hinata gulped silently when she also noticed a small amount of excess chakra that wasn't being used on Neji's eyes was concentrated on an specific part of his brain. Her father taught her about the functions of the brain and what sections of the brain controlled what. Her father explained to her that to fully understand the Byakugan and to use it at its fullest potential a Hyuuga not only needs to know Jyuuken but to know about the enemy's psyche. That way she could use psychological warfare and not even need to use Jyuuken, the enemy would destroy itself with her own mind.

She understood what that meant being on the receiving end of Neji's psychological attack on the Chuunin exam. Hinata saw that the section where the emotions are held had a bit of overabundance of chakra explain his hysterical and out of character nature. Her father explained that important organs, such as the brain even if they had a small amount of excessive chakra the results would be immense. So having even a small amount of excess chakra in the brain… especially in the delicate section of the emotions would make Neji a ticking time bomb of superhuman strength. Anything can trigger it, and since Neji at the moment is emotionally unbalanced he's more susceptible to anger and hysteria, it's a wonder Neji didn't seriously harm Tenten.

Hinata understands that since Neji's emotions are more sensitive then usual, and his state of panic, he didn't notice her following him in a safe distance. She noticed Neji getting angrier and angrier so before he would start throwing a tantrum, she called to him; seeing his reaction, she played stupid while inwardly sighing in relief for not being in the receiving end of his anger. She easily guessed that Neji's anger was for Tenten.

Be that as it may, Hinata recalled the scene and inwardly giggled while her face started to turn into an adorable shade of red. She composed herself before Neji noticed; she was thinking all of this as Neji was explaining his proposition.

In summary Neji wanted a temporary seeing "escort" because he couldn't see very well. Even thought he knew that Hinata was of the Main House, as Neji so eloquently put it, and that it wasn't in the place of the next Hyuuga leader to be doing a job beneath her status, he said that he didn't know where to turn to. And he repeated that he would repay her kindness in any way or form.

Hinata was surprised with the request, but then again she thought, his psyche is unbalanced, so such out of character behavior is expected. She hoped she would regret it later, but thought against it and agreed full heartedly. Since it didn't seem that his eyesight would be returning any time soon.

After some time of helping Neji navigate around town and pointing out important things for Neji's future reference. She had been thinking that Neji was always mean to her simply for being in the Main House, she knew that deep inside of him his feelings of insecurity and jealousy were the reason behind his actions and she being the kind Hinata, forgave him. But that doesn't mean she couldn't execute her well-deserved revenge. She understood that messing with this Neji would be almost suicidal, but since she was now his "escort" she could get away with it. She knew that Neji needed her, no matter what she did. For one thing his ego was strained enough asking her for help, but asking help from someone else is simply not in Neji's train of though.

Hinata giggled at the thought she could now get revenge on her cousin. Of course she wasn't as cold hearted to do anything extreme, because she understood the situation and all. But that didn't mean she couldn't have some "light" hearted fun seeing what kind of trouble Neji can get himself into in this state.

"Hinata-sama are you listening to me?" Neji started to swing his arms in the air, and then he panic.

"Hinata-sama where are you? Don't leave me here!"

Hinata had suddenly woke up from her musings and responded quickly

"I'm here Neji-nii-san, sorry about that. I was just trying to think how we could figur- DUCK!" Neji without question frantically threw himself to the floor

"What was that Hinata-sama?!" Neji asked in wonder of what he had dodged from. Hinata hurried replied with the first thing that came to mind

"Nothing!" Hinata said

"I didn't want you to "duck" I just saw a really pretty duck out on the river...which for some odd reason I decided to scream out"

Hinata said sheepishly, and Neji having no choice, he believed her. Hinata smiled and realized she had a long day ahead of her… a very long and a very interesting day


	5. Cool & Snappy

Ah as for my forgetfulness naruto does not belong to me nor does "ice age 2" . And I am willing to accept constructive criticism key word "constructive" if you don't like it thats fine just dont read the next chapter(s) and say they suck as well nobody is making you do it. Well enjoy the story!

On the Previous Chapter

Hinata said sheepishly, and Neji having no choice, he believed her. Hinata smiled and realized she had a long day ahead of her… a very long and a very interesting day…

It's a wonder how many bad things happen to Neji simply because he was born into the branch house. If he was born into the main house this whole ordeal of "bad juju" (as the movie "Ice Age 2" so eloquently put it) might have never occurred; then again we might have never seen Neji this perky in any other situation.

We left off when Hinata is beginning to torment Neji though somewhere in her conscience she knows payback is never right but she also knows she would probably never get another opportunity like this. Besides she didn't want Neji to suffer an eternity of torture while blind, she wasn't _that_ mean.

After an entire day of pay back and freaking Neji out it was getting late and Hinata knew that as dark drew near she had to settle down the "fun" she was having and actually be his helping guide. Hinata carefully cared for Neji and made sure he didn't crash into speeding carts, villagers, or trees, because apparently Konoha has VCRs and TVs but no gasoline powered automobiles. Of course Hinata also had to make sure he entered the doors that were meant to be entered instead of being outsideand pushing a door that clearly says "pull". Hinata always knew taking care of the elderly would repay her someday.

But as the day was changing into night, Hinata came to a decision that would change the course of the day. A choice that left Neji's life in her hands. A choice to stay by Neji's side or abandon all requests from him. For at this moment and time, _the_ colorblind ninja, number one at surprising people and full-time living advertisement of "Kraft Macaroni and Cheese", _Naruto,_ came into the picture and asked Hinata to help him train… and maybe get some fashion tips.

It all started with Neji sitting down on a bench outside a store as Hinata went inside to buy some food. When suddenly _Naruto_ burst into the store in his hyperactive and "without-a-care-for-anything" state he's always in. That is until Sasuke enters the picture and puts poor Naruto in his place, all the while thinking about how Sasuke should be cursed for all eternity for being so "disgustingly cool" and other such scholarly words

'DaMn jOO SaSuKeEeEeeeee!'

Ok. Maybe the words are _not _so scholarly... Actually this whole situation kind of reminds me of Gai and _his_ moments when he curses Kakashi for being so cool and what not.

Somewhere In The Distance

"Kakashi…umm, Kakashi… Kakashi… Kakashi mmm… OK! I now know _EXACTLY_ what to say to my _HIP_ and _COOL_ rival Kakashi for thinking he's always so _COOL_ with his white _SPIKEY_ hair, his _DARK_ blue mask and _SHARINGAN _eye that copied over a _THOUSAND _jutsus!!!. He _ALWAYS _thinks that makes him _sexy_ because:

"_chicks_ _dig_ _baattle_ _scars_" (said in a very girly and whiney voice)

"pft! I _SWEAR_ on the _NEVER_ fading _FLAMING YOUTH _of my students and MY youth that _BURNS_ like a _THOUSAND_ burning suns tha-!!!

"-ahem"

"-at I will-"

"-_ahem_"

"-… _NEVER _give up!!-" (Gai's fist is raised and fire is burning in his eyes at this point)

"-_GAI!"_

Said Kakashi interrupting Gai's out loud musings with his all _cool_ sounding voice that drove Gai into a mental fit which he was able to keep inside so _very _well (as well as his "_inner_" musings that is) In fact he kept a lot of things hidden, like his denial of being a grown man and believing he's still a student eagerly wanting to go on super awesome special bad ass important missions.

"_Still_ in denial of being a grown man I see"

Kakashi chuckles nonchalantly never looking at Gai since he's so entranced by his book.

"Well Kakashi for your _INFORMATION,_ I'm still young at _HEART_! My youth still _BURNS_ and it _ALWAYS_ will!!"

Gai screamed with pure passion and excitement.

"I see, you _really_ are still in denial, even though you're 26"

Kakashi murmured while Gai was fuming at the insult. "_KAKASHI_!!!! I'll have you _KNOW_ that I _REALLY_ am young and if I'm not then I'd be doing _FIVE-THOUSAND_ push-ups with _ONE_ hand, _HANDSTAND_ position!!!!!… Kakashi don't _IGNORE_ me!!"

There was a moment of silence as the two stared at each other down, well more like Gai stared at Kakashi with fire in his eyes while Kakashi was fully immersed in his book. That is until Kakashi decided to break the silence, never taking his eyes off his book.

"Well Gai, I have only one thing to say to that"

"Which is?"

Kakashi sighed, then spoke his words of wisdom and cool-i-ness.

"Well Gai, I think you'd better get started on those push-ups"

Gai was suddenly quiet pondering on Kakashi's words of wisdom. He then heard light chuckles coming from the latter. It still took him a couple of seconds to truly grasp Kakashi's point. But then he screamed at the top of his lungs at what he calls "the injustice of it all"

"Why must you _ALWAYS_ have such _COOL_ snappy COMEBACKS!! I swear that I-!Kakashi?... Kakashi?? Kakaaaashii!!

Gai knew what the lack of response from his "hip and cool rival" meant as Shikamaru started to speak.

"Who are you _talking_ to old timer?"

Gai twitched for a moment then spoke.

"Shikamaru, if I turn around… nobody will be behind me will there…"

Silence covered the area as Gai waited for answer he already had seen a mile away.

"Wait, did you say something?"

Gai turned around and saw Shikamaru holding a stack of papers but his face was pointed upwards and had a hazy and zoned out expression. Gai's face started to turn fire-hydrant red and screamed

"_NOT_ _YOU_ _TOO_!!!"

Gai started to murmur something fierce about how the new generation can't respect its elders, and about hip and cool rivals who _rave_ about seeing things underneath the underneath _ALL THE TIME!_ With that said Gai stormed out of the scene leaving a dazed Shikamaru in its wake.

As Gai began walking through the village he began to get depressed. So he sat down to sulk on a _conveniently_ placed tree with _conveniently_ placed rain clouds instead of leaping out a _conveniently_ placed window into the _conveniently_ placed sunset with a _conveniently_ placed wave crashing into the _conveniently_ staged scene.

"……………"

Shikamaru slowly came back from Planet Cloud to find himself all alone, he then remembered someone screaming, someone who sounded just like Gai. Then he remembered his troublesome conversation with him, just making _one_ word not sound monotonous was hard work, Shikamaru then thought. He then shrugged his shoulders and went back to his all expenses-paid trip to Planet Cloud.

"Naah the clouds are so freee"


	6. Findings

Well I have returned once again..AGAIN!!! And its sure good to be back...Well down to business as you all know the characters from naruto do not belong to me...nor does the mail song from blues clues..hehe...Well enjoy the long awaited chapter..well some people did hehe.

Back From Our Long Intermission"Hinata-sama… Hinata-samaaa… Hinata-saaamaaa… HINATA-SAMA!!!"

Neji shouted for he knew she zoned out, it had been ten minutes of silence.

"Oh! Anoo Neji-nii-san, I... I'm... I'm sorry, I uh… spaced out for a moment"

Neji nodded, he couldn't blame her or hate her for it on that matter because if he did karma would return it tenfold. Neji then asked Hinata what would make her space out.

"Oh… ano… uh… I thought someone had… umm… _called_ me from the… _woods!_… Neji can you… ano… umm… give me a moment"

"Hinata-_samaa__a_!! Ah… she's gone isn't she…"

Neji was astonished and a bit disappointed, not that he would admit or anything. But now Hinata has run into woods to do nothing else but chase after Naruto. Somewhere In The Other End Of The Woods "SaSuKe-_KuN_!!"

"Go… away…"

But sAsUkE-_kUn_!!!"

"You're _annoying_!".  
"SaSu-"

"LISTEN YOU DAMN DIRTY WHORE!!!! LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT ONCE AND FOR _ALL_!!!!!! I don't particularly _like_ you in any way or form. I'm not _going_ to have _sex_ with you… _ever!_… and I'll never _marry_ you _either_!!!"

"But Sa-"

"Listen… to… me… and… listen… well… you are _weaker _than _Naruto_. Do you know what that _means_? _Do_ you?!"

"I-"

"No you _don't. Naruto_, the village _idiot_, surpasses _you_!"

"But-"

"I just want this to get through your _thick_ skull. If _Naruto_ surpasses _you_ than I will need to do the _unthinkable_ and _actually_ acknowledge Naruto as a _human_ being! And since I _still_ think he is the offspring of a _blue__cheese_ experiment gone _wrong_! Then the chances of _acknowledging _him are as close as… well… _Neji_ going _blind_ and being _molested_ by… um… _Tenten _of all people!!! _Understand _that I would have to do _all_ of this _just _to _fathom _the idea of you _existing_!! Now if you _continue_ to say my name in that _annoying__whiney_ _screech_ you call a voice, I _swear_ I'll _strap_ you to a _table_, _rip_ your _tongue_ out, _wrap_ it around your _neck_ and _hang_ you with it!!! Stop freaking _bothering_ m- hey wait…"

"What?"

"How in the hell did _we_ end up in this _fanfic_?"

"What is this "_fanfic" _you speak of?"

Sakura, as always, having no idea of what's going on with Sasuke due to her massively unhealthy obsession with him waited for him to answer, instead Sasuke started clutching his head.

"………………"

"Sasuke-kun?"

"…………………"

"You okay?"

"I don't know where that came from, but for some reason I feel like I should be profusely angry at you… that we shouldn't be here… and it has something to do with Neji… Now that I think about it, I forgot that I have to visit him tomorrow to challenge him. Maybe tomorrow he wont be such an a high and mighty _ass _and _reject_ me"

"… wanna go on a date?"

"No…"

Sasuke and Sakura pondered about things normal _twelve_ year olds do, like killing their brothers and wanting to marry someone. As they dazed into the star-lit night sky, Sasuke began to speak still puzzled and a bit dazed.

"I wonder what's happening to him ri-SAKURA!!! GEEZ WOMAN!! GET YOUR HAND AWAY FROM MY CROTCH!!!" Random Scene Changes Are Fun Aren't They? Neji was singing in his head for some reason. It was a strange tune he just seemed to remember now. It had a comical and childish feeling, and for some reason, it was oddly familiar. In any case the tune would play over and over again, and since all Neji saw now was black, his attention span plummeted a couple of hundred points. So not only did he blame that strange tune on his now daydreaming mind, but also that weird feeling he was getting in his stomach, of something being wrong.

'Wait, what is this feeling?… it's a scary feeling'

Yes, you guessed right… that strange feeling Neji is getting is _"fear!"_ You kinda have to give the poor guy a break, he's not only blind but abandoned thanks to Hinata's odd hormonal imbalance.

"Calm down hmpf" said the approaching voice.

"Don't come any close… I..uh… I'm _dangerous_!!!"

Neji was in such a state of panic that he was screaming at the stranger.

"…………"

'Did I chase him off' Neji thought

"Those _eyes_… Sasori-danna described a clan with eyes like yours…Hey aren't you from the Hyuuga clan hmpf?"

"Where do you _live_? Under a _rock_?! Of _course _I'm from the Hyuuga clan, the only people stupid enough not to know are-"

Neji was interrupted_… _and he doesn't like being interrupted

"Wait, wait are you the Hyuuga Genius by any chance hmpf??"

"Never mind you weren't born under rock, you're just really _ignorant_, I feel _sorry_ for you, I really do"

With that Neji tilted his head to a typical "holier-than-thou" stare, something that's really normal for a Hyuuga.

"Yeah _you're_ that _genius_ kid that _almost_ killed his cousin  
in that _exam_ hmpf"

"Who the _hell _are you?! The only people who don't know the Konoha's _most_ _noble_ clan, are people who aren't _from _here!! If you don't answer me this _instant_ I will be _forced_ to _kill_ you!"

Neji was actually pretty scared, since he never had to fight anyone while being _blind_, but maybe a bluff or two will scare this stranger off. Because if one thing's for certain, Neji thought, is that he's _not _from Konoha

"Well you know that _could_ have been very _threatening_ if you weren't _blind_, and talking to that _mail_ _box_ next to me hmpf"

Somewhere else…

"Here's the _mail_ that never _fails_. It makes _wanna_ wag my _tail_, WHEN IT _COMES_ I _WANNA_ WAIL: _MAAAIIIIILLLLL!!_!"

"KIBA _STOP_ _SINGING_ AND JUST _GET…_ _THOSE…__LETTERS_!!!"

"_SORRY_ MOM, _GEEZ_!!!"

"IS THAT A _TONE_ I'M _HEARING_ YOUNG _MAN_?? DON'T _MAKE_ ME GET UP FROM THIS COUCH!!!"

"_SORRYYYYY_!"

"bark, bar, baaark bark"

"Shut up Akamaru, I'm not a mama's boy"

"WHERE _ARE_ THOSE _LETTERS_, THOSE _BILLS_ ARE _NOT_ GOING TO PAY _THEMSELVES_ YOU _KNOW_!!!"

"_COOOOMIIIING_!!!"

"bark"

"I'm _not _a _mama's_ boy _Akamaru_!"

"_KIIIBAAAA_!!!"

"I'M _COMING_ DON'T GET A _HEMORRHAGE_!!"

Back with our heroes

Neji twitched, he not only felt embarrassed but now he probably put all his ancestors to shame, he can even hear them laughing at his expense…

"I hate repeating myself, but who the _hell_ are _you_?!"

Neji used his leftover pride to utter those words with as much disdain as he could muster, but he actually sounded pretty childish, in fact the stranger was snickering at Neji's scowl, that is now transformed into a pout

"It's _me_… Deidara",

"Am _I_ supposed to _know_ who _you_ are?"

"Remember we met in a past _fanfic_ that was never written but it's being used here to refer to an earlier time before this to say that we met hmpf"

"Oh… _somehow_ I _remember _now…

Neji didn't _actually _remember the encounter, but he didn't want to put much thought into it because it would simply be unnecessary to try, besides, he thought, he would just _humor_ him. Actually that was just the Hyuuga-egotism talking; the _actual _reason was because it would be too much to comprehend and Neji thought his head might implode.

…In any case, I will let pass the fact that you are _clearly_ an outsider since you practically don't _know_ about my clan, and _demand_ that you do one thing for me in _exchange_ for your life"

"Over _here_ buddy"

Deidara was now having a little fun; what else can be more fun, he though, than torturing a blind _brat_, and it _would_ actually give him a chance to test a new clay animal his hand spit out. When Deidara saw Neji, he was actually going to kill him, but the second he saw him start to talk to that mail box so heatedly Deidara decided that he was going to entertain himself with this blind boy, and since Neji was blind he wouldn't remember him when he got his sight back, _if _he ever gets it back that is…

'No wait… I _told_ him my name already hmpf… _crap… _wait, but he doesn't _know_ I'm from the _Akatsuki _though, so my identity is _still_ spared… _yay_!'

In his musings Deidara forgot about his cloak, his pretty stylish Akatsuki cloak, by then people knew a little bit about the Akatsuki, but _everyone _knew of their stylish cloaks with the awesome red clouds. Many evil organizations _hated_ the Akatsuki simply for having those cloaks. Meaning that once a person sees Deidara in his cloak, they'll know where's he's from.


	7. Renew the escort

For the record as we all know none of the naruto characters belong to me, there not mine I don't own them in any way or form. Also the little comments before the chapter have nothing to do with the story they are just fun. Enjoy!

[Santa never got me my pony!

"You will become my new _escort_. Since my original escort was chased away by her insane hormonal imbalance and you happen to question my _obvious _power over you, since I'm a Hyuuga of course, you will temporarily assist me until my original escort returns."

"So you're saying I _have_ to be your Seeing Eye dog until your other dog comes back?"

"You make it sound like I should _depend_ on you when all you're doing is _aiding_ me today"

"_It's the same thing!!_… Besides, why in hell you should I "_aid_" you hmpf? Don't you think I have better places to be?"

"I don't have to _explain _myself to the likes of you!"

"You have to if you want any kind of "_aid_" from _me_"

"Fine!"

It took about ten minutes for Neji to properly explain the situation to Deidara leaving certain things out like "the-non-existing-experience" and him dropping to the ground at the sound of the word "duck"… things like that. Deidara didn't need to know of events that 'never happened' and scenes that made him seem to be a complete idiot. Besides if anyone asked, Neji though, it was his eyes' fault he was asking for any kind of "_aid_"

Deidara began to twitch, he just wanted a regular answer, like "my eyes were so white that I eventually became blind" or "I had a fight and was forced to become temporarily blind from a concussion" but no- Neji here has to do a whole freakin' _flashback_. Well in retrospect, it was all Deidara's fault for asking and actually expecting a regular, normal answer from a Hyuuga, second to the Uchihas in having the biggest egos ever known to man. Eventually in all his absentminded musings, Deidara forgot that Neji was waiting for his reply.

"Yes or no, I have places to be"

"… Well, I have no one to kill so…"

"What was that?"

"I mean… I got _time _to kill, so sure I'll do you a favor. Besides you have nowhere else to be because: A-

Deidara started to count each point with a finger

-Wherever you go, people will quickly realize that the so-called 'Hyuuga Genius' is blind. B- people will mock you _because _you're blind. And c- you're too much of a 'holier-than-thou type of _ass _that wouldn't ask for '_aid' _even if his life depended it on it… and it does"

"You are _not _in any _way _or _form _doing _me _any fav-

Then Neji heard something, it was distant, and faint, but it was something he "feared" that much he knew. He didn't think he would hear this sound for a lo--ng time. He began to twitch at the sound, it actually sounded like a four million fifty six thousand three hundred and seven blood lusting demons making havoc through his mind.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS _HOLY_ SOMEONE PLEASE HELP _ME_!!! DEAR BUDDAH BEFORE THE FATES DAMN ME AGAIN, _HELP_ ME!!!!!! I DON'T _WANT_ TO _DIE_!!!!!"

Deidara started to panic since he had no idea of what's going on or _about_ to happen until he heard it himself… A voice… coming from the distance…

"Nee---eee---ji, _oh_ _nee---ee---eeji--iii_"

Deidara still in the dark asked Neji what the hell was going on. Neji simply slumped his shoulders and said that the voice was coming from a girl; not just any girl but _Tenten, _a girl who not only liked him but is into that 'creepy _kinky_ stuff' Deidara winced remembering all those times he was stalked by all sorts of creepy girls before joining the Akatsuki. But not just girls, there were some boys that confused him of being the opposite sex and stalked him to no end. When he told them he was a guy, some backed down but most didn't, leading to their apparent deaths.

Deidara trying to save a fellow stalked-in-need, grabbed Neji's arm and ran off into the city.

"Hmmm I know I heard Neji's voice coming from this direction…he couldn't have gotten far"

Once again Tenten had been on the hunt for her darling Neji. After being unconscious for a few hours she decided she needed to resume her hunt.

"DON'T WORRY NEJI!!! I'LL GET YOU TO A SAFE PLACE HMPF!!!"

After a few miles of Deidara running and Neji being dragged along, at times hitting the floor and now praying for his life; they finally reached a place good enough for hiding for at least a day. As they both rested, Neji had a few questions and for some odd reason he just wanted to know the answers to his random questions.

"Deidara I have a few question regarding the obvious fact that you are _not _from Konoha"

"I have maybe a couple of hours to play this seeing-dog game, so fine I'll _indulge_ you hmpf"

"Well first, where do you come from and what are you doing in Konoha?"

"I'm from the organization called Akatsuki"

"It sounds _familiar_, but I can't put my _finger_ on it"

"It's the group with the black cloaks with the red clouds"

"Oo-h, _that _group, at first I kind of wanted to join, because of the cloaks and all. But then I find out the organization is a bunch of S-ranked missing nin, so my dreams of being cool and dressed in those cloak went down the drain"

"Anyway, as to the question of my being in the Konoha is that our leader gave us a two week vacation and there were plans to go to Florida-

"_America, _Florida? From that _alternate_ _universe_ where countries have strange names with no shinobi, or ninja _villages_?"

"Yes _that _Florida, anyway they said we'd be leaving at three pm but when I woke up at one nobody was home, so I took a walk and ended up here an ran into you hmpf."

Neji wondered why they would leave Deidara behind and why did he end up here. Would Deidara abandon him as well?

"Well that answers two questions, but since it's your job of '_aiding_' me and all…

(Meaning since Neji couldn't see, his sensing abilities were not to be trusted. It would probably get worse and worse the longer he stays blind. Deidara would have to do all the sensing and seeing, and possibly attacking. Meaning that now more than ever Neji is easy prey for Tenten)

…how long do you think we have before the she-beast returns?"

Deidara decided to use a small clay bird to inconspicuously inspect the area to get a better idea of what to do to stop her in time. But what he saw put him in alarm.

"Well umm do you want me to lie or tell the truth hmpf?"

"What would the lie be?"

"That would be she's far off our trail"

"And the truth?"

Neji was already dreading the answer while Deidara prepared for the scream he was about to hear.

"She's about five minutes away"


	8. The playdoh annihilation

You all know the deal; these characters do not belong to us. They belong to the guy that made them: Kishimoto Masashi… hooray!

(Come on everyone! Lets do the chicken dance!)

OoOoO Previous Chapter OoOoO

"…how long do you think we have before the she-beast returns?"

Deidara decided to use a small clay bird to inconspicuously inspect the area to get a better idea of what to do to stop her in time. But what he saw put him in alarm.

"Well umm do you want me to lie or tell the truth hmpf?"

"What would the lie be?"

"That would be she's far off our trail"

"And the truth?"

Neji was already dreading the answer while Deidara prepared for the scream he was about to hear.

"She's about five minutes away"

OoOoO

Neji was terrified. In fact he was somewhere between panic and ritual suicide. All Neji could remember was "the-non-existent-experience" playing in his mind repeatedly like a broken record. Not the greatest of memories he could be having right now. At the moment, Neji was _quietly_ having a panic attack (because he was humiliated enough; he wanted to save whatever grains of dignity he had left). Deidara sat on a log and pondered…

And pondered…

_and pondered some more…_

"I GOT IT!" Deidara shouted excitedly. "I KNOW WHAT WE SHALL DO HMPH!".

Neji was relieved to hear that; Deidara had come up with an idea to save them!

"WHAT IS IT WHAT _IS_ IT!" Neji screamed.

"I will use… my _clay_! My art shall _help_ us! Nay, it will _save_ us _hmpf_!"

Neji was baffled, how the hell was _play_-_doh_ supposed to save him from the freaky she-beast whose name will not be mentioned?! Neji easily concluded that Deidara had gone mad. Nevertheless, Deidara worked quickly and furiously for his strange creation.

"_DONE_!!! I'VE FINISHED MY _GREATEST_ PIECE OF ART WORK _HMPF_!"

Neji simply _couldn't_ take it; Deidara created a _funky__little_ bird!! had to ask, he couldn't help himself.

"HOW THE _FUCKING_ HELL IS _PLAY_-_DOH_ SUPPOSED TO _HELP_ US!" Deidara laughed, more like _scoffed_; he was waiting for Neji to ask that question.

You see boys and girls, Deidara isn't what you would call "an appreciated member" of the Akatsuki. He had to nag and annoy people with his speeches about art just so he could get more missions; it seemed so far away when it all started with "_an_ _idiotic__question_"…

OoOo _X _number of months ago (no this isn't a math equation) OoOo

"Sasori-danna do you have any suggestions for a catch phrase? I see everyone here has at least one they say over and over and since I'm new here I wanted one."

"Deidara, please do me a favor and keep those thoughts to yourself; how am I supposed to fix my puppets if you come and interrupt me with idiotic questions?"

"You have those silly puppets as your signature tool, and your phrase "Art is eternal" as your catchphrase, give me some ideas here, I want to fit in!!"

"Look, my puppets are not "_silly_" and art is not true unless it _is_ eternal"

"What are you _talking_ about? If those _dolls_ need anything it's a complete _explosive_ makeover. Art is, if anything, "_a bang!"_

"_What_ _did_ _you_ _say_?!"

OoOo

And so began the tirade of the _naggin_g _Deidara_. He spend many days practicing his speeches in front of his mirror about art, and his response towards skeptics, mostly against Sasori and his superior knowledge. He already had a speech prepared for this occasion. But actually feeling sorry for Neji he abbreviated it.

"You see Neji, my art is…_different_ hmph. My clay is chakra encoded from the mouths on my hands-

"YOU HAVE MOUTHS ON YOUR HANDS?! Are you the illegitimate child of that creepy flabby man from the movie "Pan's Labyrinth" that eats little kids and has his eyes in his hands ?! …Wait are you gonna _eat_ Tenten?!"

Deidara blinked, he would find it entertaining that blind Neji was talking to the wall, but his speech was interrupted, and that was _unforgivable_! But because it would be useless to punish a blind man. He decided to hold his punishment for later; when it _counts._

"As I was saying before I _rudely _interrupted, I have created life size sculptures of us to trick Tenten hmpf"

Neji's brain was still a little freaked out about the hands so he asked his question again; just in case Deidara didn't hear him the first time. Deidara, now getting angry about being interrupted _twice, _he decided to humor him; if he didn't he wouldn't stop asking the same question!

"You see, I was born with this birth deformity the doctors didn't know what it was and its really none of your business. Besides, "_that__flabby_ _man_" is my great-great-great-_grandpa_!!; he got really famous out of that children's story. Sometimes in family reunions we tell the younger generations "_The adventures of Grandpa Dei_" I was named after him since I too was born with "_special magical hands_" and-

Neji stood still; while Deidara was rambling about the adventures of his cannibalistic ancestor, his brain simply refused to try to understand what just happened. It died somewhere between _birth deformity _and _grandpa_!!

"JUST GET US OUT OF HERE YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL!"

"I'm doing you a favor here; there's no need to yell!"

Deidara then grabbed Neji by the hand and ran off into the forest just before Tenten approached the cave (because in anime, everything is at a convenient time span). Tenten then saw the sculptures and flipped.

"NEJI!! NEJI MY DEAR LOVER!" Tenten began to twitch violently. "NEJI! WHY DID YOU RUN NEJI!! I LOVE YOU!! YOU SEE, I ALWAYS WATCH YOU. I WANT TO HOLD YOU NEJI!! I WANT TO LOVE YOU NEJI!!! LOVE ME!!! Tenten went crazier in each passing second. While Tenten was screaming in the cave, Deidara thought they were a good enough distance to finally use his jutsu. He made his hand sign and,

_BOOOOOOOOM_!!!!

An explosion went off from his C-3 chakra.

"Yes!! It's done!!" Deidara yelled happily.

"What _happened_?" Neji asked; remember all he heard was the explosion.

"We never have to see stalker Tenten again! The clay sculptures I made were built of my C-3 chakra; they exploded as soon as she got in the cave!"

"Neji stood there…_stunned_ and _shocked. _"Wait, you _killed _her?"

"I thought that _was_ the idea" Deidara stared at Neji; Neji stared at a tree thinking it to be Deidara. Then Deidara spoke after a short period of silence.

"But I thought you wanted to get rid of her"

"Yeah, like _out of my hair _not _dead_ for Buddha's sake! She's was my teammate! As annoying and creepy as she might be, I can't deal with Lee or Gai _alone_! DO YOU KNOW HOW EXASPERATING THAT CAN BE!

Deidara pondered and simply stated "I thought I was helping you kill the people that annoy you?"

"_NO!!_ not _kill!"_

"Then there's really no point of me staying here. I was actually having fun killing the innocent. Well, I guess this is my cue to leave"

"Then _leave!_"

"Oh, by the way, there's no real guarantee she's dead so good luck dealing with her _alone! _I have more fun bothering Sasori-danna then being here"

Both characters that probably would have never met in the canon storyline parted ways; their experience together would never reach the ears of others so it's like they never met all…

OoOoO


	9. Crayola visions of the past

You all know the deal; these characters do not belong to us. They belong to the guy that made them: Kishimoto Masashi… hooray!

(I will summon all that is deadly upon you tiny squirrles!)

OoOoO On The Previous Chapter OoOoO

"…Oh, by the way, there's no real guarantee she's dead so good luck dealing with her _alone! _I have more fun bothering Sasori-danna then being here"

Both characters that probably would have never met in the canon storyline parted ways; their experience together would never reach the ears of others so it's like they never met all…

OoOoO

Neji began to walk, more like _blindly_ _wondering_ around (pun intended) as he then stumbled into who else? The Blue-Cheese Experiment gone wrong: Naruto!

"huff… wheeze Hey… more huffing… more wheezing Neji…"

Neji couldn't see Naruto but he could recognize that annoying speech pattern anywhere.

"I know I'm gonna regret this" Neji mumbled to himself (He is pretending to be his former healthy self. He just _cannot _deal with the possible humiliation Naruto could bring if he knew of his dilemma)

With feigning concern and a sarcastic tone he asks him "What happened Naruto, why are you breathing so heavily?"

Naruto responded with difficulty in his wheezing state " huffs…I'm being chased… wheeze… by… more huffing by… Hinata…"

Neji was tempted to laugh until he heard what Naruto said next.

"huff… and…Tenten…"

Neji blinked, he actually blinked a total of twenty six times. He couldn't believe it, but then he remembered…

_"…Oh, by the way, there's no real guarantee she's dead so good luck dealing with her alone!…"_

"Neji what was _that_? And why are staring at a _mail_ _box_?" Naruto said.

Then Neji heard it; the laughter, that mirthless _mocking_ laughter, the gods were making a fool of Neji once again. He forgot to count how many times that has happened. So Neji being Neji he pointed his index finger to the sky and started to curse those mocking gods. In fact he was so furious that he forgot about Naruto and started to _blindly (_punintended punch trees that conveniently were surrounding him; just waiting to be punched, until he was cut off by Naruto.

"Oi! What's with the theatrics Neji?!" (Yes you heard him right, Naruto isn't a complete idiot!). "Is what Lee told me true Neji? Are you _blind_?"

Neji froze; he actually forgot about Lee and almighty power of talking to other people about juicy gossip. Well, Neji thought, if Lee knows, then almost everyone in Konoha probably knows. He resigned to his fate (while still cursing those gods) and tried to explain his situation to Naruto in the simplest and quickest way he could. After a good five minutes of explanation (he abbreviated his encounter with Tenten to "my worst experience of my life" and didn't even mention Deidara, it was just too humiliating) Naruto was grinning; good thing Neji couldn't see him or else he would've punched him in the jaw.

"Well, since I'm your typical lazy guy…" Naruto said while leaning back on a conveniently placed tree. "I'm not going to _explain_ my situation, but my _imagination_ will lead you through a _sequence_ of _elaborately_ _established_ _scenes_ that will show you my miseries"

"You mean a _flashback_?"

"Precisely!"

OoOoO _Sequence of Elaborately Established Scenes _OoOoO

Our perspective of the world suddenly changes; instead of a radiant array of colors and shapes we are in a world that seems to come from an imagination of a 7 year old-

(_Hey I resent that!!!)_

- The sky that was once an innumerable amount of shades of blues and greens is now a childish "sky blue" that seems to be colored with a small set of crayons. Heck, the whole scenery is designed with this limited drawing tool.

The clouds are "scribbled white" with happy faces. In fact, the trees that are painted "crayon-style-green" and brown, the houses, the sun and many other inanimate organic and inorganic objects have a happy face somewhere around them. We see the protagonist, A chibi-style-crayon-colored Naruto in his full eye-blinding attire; he is walking down the street and is greeting everything with a happy-go-lucky "hello" He then is unexpectedly stopped by a chibi-style-crayon-colored Sasuke with his opaque set of clothes and a customary gray cloud with a sad face that is constantly raining little sad-faced rain drops; all of this is happening and he isn't even getting wet, such is the world we are in, where science and logic are throw out the window.

"Idiot" says the mean spirited Sasuke and then walks away dragging his bleak scenery of sad faces with him.

"Chuu SUCK!!" Says the eloquent Naruto and then skips away.

Quickly and surely, like the attention span of a squirrel, Naruto decided to get some ramen so he skips away to the Ichiraku Ramen stand. He is then greeted by the "Ramen Guy" as Naruto likes to call the man since despite how old the series is and how much Naruto loves ramen, this guy that makes Naruto's dreams come true _doesn't even have a name!!!_

After eating his tenth bowl Naruto is satisfied and leaves. As he heads home he hears a bush rustling. He turns his face around and waits to see what comes out of that bush, but before he does anything stupid chibi-style crayon-colored Hinata appears out of the bush.

"Oh… hi Hinata!"

"A--ano… h-hi N-Naruto-kun…"

"You almost scared me there, why are you here?"

We can see Hinata twiddling her finger in typical Hinata fashion, just much cuter.

"A-a-ano-o Naruto-kun… I…um…I"

"Hinata, you okay?…"

Hinata blushes a deep crayon red and violently shakes her head. "Naruto-kun … I… I…" By now Hinata is blushing so much she's almost fainting, but she manages to grab whatever inner strength she posses and screams out:

_"I REALLY LIKE YOU!!"_

Then in typical Hinata fashion she blinks for a half a second then runs like mad. Naruto just blinks… and blinks… and _blinks _while staring at the empty space that once occupied by Hinata. He assumes there's something wrong with Hinata (_why would she run away like that_? Naruto ask himself) so doing the natural _manly _thing: he follows her.

"Oi--i!!!! Hinata--a! _wai--it!!_

Naruto finally catches up to Hinata and mistakenly tells her he likes her too. What he doesn't tell her is in what _way _he likes her. He doesn't say anything in liking Hinata in _that_ way but Hinata in a slight state of shock takes it the wrong way, so she hugs Naruto, a _little too tightly_. Naruto freaks and starts to run, Hinata then follows. While Naruto's running, the happy trees and scenery fade away… The colors and shapes of reality come back, in the distance he sees a blurry shape that eventually as he gets closer he realizes it's Neji…

OoOoO End of a _Sequence of Elaborately Established Scenes _OoOoO

"Is that what the inside of your head looks like?" Asks Neji

"Pretty much…"

"So that's what happened?"

"….You know that if I go down, you're going down with me! So if I help you and you help me we might get out of this alive!"

"I just never knew Hinata-sama could be so forceful…"

" Forget that, how are we going to survive this?!!"

"sigh If there was anyone that could be of _least_ help, it would be you Naruto. But because Hinata is with Tenten, I don't know what crazy thing she will come up with. I guess I'm stuck with you… _dammit_!"

"Oi! Neji!"

"What is it _now_?"

"Can I get some ramen?"

exasperated sigh

OoOoO The other side of the woods OoOoO

"Well Tenten, now that we're a team we can work together and have our boyfriends, besides mine already said he _liked_ me" Naruto's _confession _awoke a really _forceful_ Hinata as you have noticed (If that doesn't convince you then just pretend it's true for the sake of argument).

"You're _kidding_, I thought Naruto was a total _spaz_!"

"Maybe he got a little freaked out and needed some _convincing"_

"Yeah, then they will be by our side...FOREVER!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Hey Tenten?"

"Yes Hinata?"

"You've been hanging around Gai for a considerable amount of time huh?"

"What gave it away?"


	10. Halloween Special!

Hey faithful readers! it's the beta/co-writer speaking (typing)! I just want to thank you all for sending reviews, it specially helped in my hour of need since I had a _huge_ writer's block! This is probably not one of the best chapters, but neh… I tried my best. So please send reviews since it encourages us to write more; any ideas are also _greatly_ appreciated. Oh and we don't own Naruto and so on and so forth… Thanks everyone!!

OoOoO A Mandatory Halloween Special, _Konoha-Style Dattebayo_!! OoOoO

"Hey everyone! It's me! Naruto! dattebayo!!"

"If the five people who are reading this are wondering: 'how can these fictional characters be able to break the fourth wall?' the answer is simple: we just can for the sake of a parody…"

"Oi! Sasuke-teme, why aren't you brooding? You have to be in _character_ dattebayo!!

"Since I'm in my current '_ignoring-Naruto_' phase that just never seems to end, I will ignore that last comment. Besides '_complete-lifeless-entity-who-I-do-not-know_' I don't _brood, _I just not in a talkative mood… often.

But for the sake of being Halloween (and being constantly nagged from '_that-lifeless-entity-that-I-do-not-know_') I will uncharacteristically wish those five people who are reading this…-

"- _A happy Halloween_ _dattebayo_!!"

"Right… what _is_ Halloweenthough"

"Wow you don't know about Halloween Konoha-style? Then I will elaborate 'ttebayo!

It's simple; it's like Halloween from that alternate universe called "_The_ _Real_ _World_" (where there are no ninja villages, Hokages and the like) except that it has the words "Konoha-style" (also we don't have any crazy parades either, but that's the only difference ''ttebayo!)

It's really cool 'ttebayo!! You get to wear a costume and bother people!"

"And…?"

"Then you knock on people's door and ask them a really weird phrase"

"Like…?"

"_Trick_-_or_-_trout_?…no that's not right… _track_-_and_-_try_? Wait let me check 'ttebayo…" Naruto then takes out a small book with the title "_Halloween_: _Konoha_-_Style_" Sasuke gets curious and looks over his should and reads a section of the book:

"_…You knock on someone's door and say "_Trick-or-Treat_" then it's their choice; they either give you some candy; that's the "_Treat_" part, but if they refuse then you are entitled as a fellow Halloween participant to play a prank on said person; that's the "_Trick_" part…_"

_"_Oi Sasuke you know what this means? That we can prank on people!! If not then _free candy_! That's awesome 'ttebayo! It's _Free_!"

"I really couldn't care less about the candy… but to have a legitimate excuse to annoy people… mmm we should try this Halloween of yours." The boys then flip around to another random section of the book (because occurrences are random like this) and read again:

"…_It's is imperative that you do Halloween some justice and wear a decent costume. By "costume" it is implied to be something unrealistic, satirical or in any way unreal or unlike your usual nature. Such costumes_ _are_ _the best in terms of _"scaring people" _another phase of your Halloween experience. So think of the most outrageous outwear you can think of and start scaring some little kids!…"_

"_Outrageous_? We should probably invite Gai to be part of this, if anything that man is the quintessence of outrageousness"

"Yeah dattebayo!! Let's get Gai and Lee into this!!"

"Maybe not _Gai_…" Sasuke then reads the last part of the statement aloud.

"_… Please keep in mind that adults should try to refrain from _extremely_ outrageous costumes because of cases reported (or unreported) of pedophilia that are sometimes on the rise this time of year." _

"Ew…"

"Yeah maybe we should just skip inviting both of them altogether" Sasuke said with a hopeful face.

"Funny though, I was gonna suggest you dressing as Orochimaru, looking like that limey poof will surely get your yearly dose of scares"

"Don't remind me…"

"Oi! Lets go to a conveniently placed costume shop!… Maybe we can get the most of Halloween if we hurry dattebayo!!

They go to the next block and they find "The C.C.S" in averagely ornamented neon letters. It doesn't stand for Card Captor Sakura (but they might have the costumes) but it stands for :The Convenient Costume Shop" It is filled with a small array of costumes; most of them that don't even belong to the Konoha-universe, such as pirate suits, robot armor, witch attire and accessories, and alien costumes. But there are also normal costumes such as: Kimonos, fake Hokage hats and attire, and for civilians to enjoy: Ninja wear (without the customary headband and green jacket of course).

The boys find none of their costumes to their liking, so they left the store and pondered on what to wear. On the way they met Hinata and Neji

"Hey guys 'ttebayo!".

"Hn"

"A-ano-o.. Hi… N-Naruto-kun, U-Uchiha-san"

"Hinata why are we here when the Hyuuga compound is on the other side of the road?"

"Oi! Neji! Aren't you supposed to be blind?"

"Yes I still am…" Neji at this point actually _glared_ at Naruto but his eyes looked a little unfocused turning his "_undying_ _hatred"_ towards others to a slight "_extreme_ _dislike_". Neji was actually proud of himself at that moment… he could _glare_ again. It took him a fair amount of sleepless nights for him to accomplish such incredible feat. (More like Neji started to notice that people's voices seemed to give away their location… then he pretty much eyeballed it from there)

Hinata at this point decided not to answer such a question, not that anyone really noticed since Naruto was telling Neji about the wonders of "Halloween"…

"WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE AWESOME FUN OF _HALLOWEEN_... BELIEVE IT!!!"

(_See_…)

"NARUTO!" Sasuke shouted "What did I say about that extremely idiotic phrase?" Naruto suddenly frowned (more like puffed his cheeks to look like an adorable hamster).

"I don't wanna say it…"

Sasuke simply stared then Naruto sighed.

"You said that saying believe it will force you to chidori me until I become the blue cheese that was experimented on… ok then now back to you Ne- Neji? Where did you go?…

OoOoO Somewhere Off In The Distance OoOoO

Neji at this point was cursing to himself and simply refusing to even _think _about Halloween, not after last year's terrible disaster. So terrible this disaster was that it even deemed itself into flashback mode; just to torture Neji…

OoOoO …Flashback?… OoOoO

"NejiI!!! are you ready yet?!" Lee shouted.

"Sure whatever lets just get this over with" Neji replied with a grimace of boredom for that particular day.

"NEJI! one _cannot_ enjoy this day without a _costume_!!" Lee yelled with the intensity of one thousand suns.

"Lee, you're dressed the way you do normally, what _costume_ can you _possibly_ be wearing?"

"HA_HA_! that just shows how good I am a picking costumes! Nobody would ever suspect _I_ would be our teacher _GAI_!!!" Lee shouted enjoying his moment of fun.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me… _this_ is your costume?!" Then Neji began to think, 'why do I have a feeling he is going to dress like this every day from now on?'

"Well… aside from your bad choice of costumes, what did Gai pick?… Wait, let me guess, he's going out dressed as _you_?" Neji said sarcastically.

"No Neji, but Gai-sensei in his infinite _wisdom_ did the _manliest_ thing _ever!!_!"

Neji was already half dreading the end of that statement, because, Neji thought, if anything that his teacher did was considered _manly _either the authorities already knew about it, or it would bring about something disastrous.

"…he dressed up as his rival! _Kakashi_-sensei!!!" Lee shouted with happiness and with his "burning youth abilities"

Neji then looked at Lee with a smirk and uttered a fatal, _fatal,_ statement. "Well if _he_ was so _manly_ why didn't you dress up as _me_, since _I'm_ apparently your _rival_?" Lee looked at Neji and pouted with the intensity of… of… I dunno… "_one thousand pouting infants_…" and then responded.

"I _tried_ but nothing in your closet _fit_ me!" Neji twitched, never in his life he felt such a rush of eye-spasms.

"_YOU_ WENT THROUGH _MY_ CLOSET?!!!" Neji stormed into his room and began to get _burn_ the clothes that even _remotely_ _looked_ just worn…

OoOoO End Of Flashback OoOoO

"Ever since that day I _refuse_ to live Halloween _ever_ _again!!_!" Neji shouted with his customary index finger pointing to the sky, still cursing those mocking gods that only exist in Neji's head.

"An-ano-oo, Neji-nii-san? W-who are you talking to?"

"No one Hinata…" After a few minutes of walking he then paused…then started to twitch. "LEE IS _ALONE_ IN THE _HOUSE_!!!!" Neji quickly sprinted to the house, dragging Hinata with him, hoping Lee hadn't gone through his clothes this year for no particular reason. Yes, his paranoia increased a thousand-full after he became blind.

OoOoO Somewhere Not So Distant OoOoO

"Oi! Shino! Why don't we go to the market for no apparent reason"

"hn…"

"Wow Shino, you seem talkative today"

"Bark-bark"

"Shut _up! _Akamaru!"

Now the "dynamic duo" are seen walking to the market for "no apparent reason" and meet another "duo"…

"Oi!! Naruto!! Why in the _hell _are you _dressed _that way!" Kiba shouted in an almost fit of laughter. Kiba is (of course) referring to the ridiculous but extremely simple-minded costume that Naruto is wearing: A Hokage costume on top of a "Ramen Guy's" costume. When Kiba asked, Naruto quickly explained that since he likes ramen and being a "possibly-future" Hokage… why not have a costume with both themes? (Sasuke thought that, if anything, the costume gains major brownie points simply for sheer idiotic originality, not that he was willing to admit such statement out loud.) Shino in this whole exchange was being typical Shino… so no explanation is needed for his customary _non_-_verbal_ attitude.

Kiba then averted his eyes and gazed upon Sasuke… He doesn't recognize him at first so he asks Naruto…

"Oi! "Rakage"? Who's the creepy guy next to you… and why is he staring at me so fiercely?"

""Rakage"?… Kiba _what_ the hell 'ttebayo!?!"

"There's no other way to explain your costume Naruto… except for Rakage (ramen plus hokage)… so that is your new name... "Rakage"!!".

"I will be the better man" (or so Naruto thinks) "and ignore that… besides that's not a creepy guy, it's just _Sasuke_"

Now Kiba _really_ couldn't take it… muffled chortles became peals of intense mocking laughter…

"What… 'laughs'… the…'more laughs'… _hell!_… 'pause for more laughter but soon composes himself… _somehow'_ if I didn't know any better it seems you're trying to dress as _Shino_ today… 'make way for more mocking'"

Shino at this point was actually surprised and _almost-laughing_… which was only noticed by his _lightly_ higher then usual eyebrows, his sunglasses _slightly _askew, and his almost _unnoticeable _twitch he was getting at the corner of his mouth… Sasuke on the other hand was glaring daggers at Kiba and cursing at the "demonic blue cheese experiment"…

All in all it was a pretty enlightening day...

OoOoO 5 Minutes Later… OoOoO

As the day is about to end and night about to begin the "Fearsome Four-some" were walking about and Kiba began one of the most reputation-tarnishing conversations Sasuke ever heard…

"So "Rakage" I never asked, why the costume?… that goes for you too "Sharingan-Shino"…"

"Well, I thought, today's an awesome day for Halloween so I decided to celebrate it, and since Sasuke didn't know about it, then he should join too… in fact why don't you join us Kiba, we're going to bother the neighbors with this game called "_Trick_-_or_-_Treating_"… "

"Wait… _Halloween???_?!!!"

"Yeah Kiba, haven't _you_ heard of it?!"

By now Kiba was eyeing the book Sasuke had in his hand then he snatched it and started to flip the pages. At a certain point he stopped all while trying his best not to _die_ laughing and simply showed the fatal page to Naruto while Sasuke was looking over his shoulder curious and panicky; he thought, if Kiba is trying not to laugh and even Shino can't stop chuckling then something… _something, _is horribly wrong… and so the duo began to read…

"…_ Remember kids, Halloween is a day that should be enjoyed by all, so give it the best you've got since it only comes once a year; make this next __October 31 __the best Halloween ever! In the next book we will discuss another holiday that comes soon after Halloween… It's on __December 24 and 25__: "Christmas"…_"

The first time in a while that Sasuke spoke was to ask a much dreaded question… "Kiba… what day is today?…"

"Why "Sharingan-Shino"… It's _December_ _25_...!!!"

By now even Shino was laughing… and Sasuke was screaming like no tomorrow… "HOW CAN YOU GET THE DATES _MIXED_ _UP_ NARUTO?!"

"… _ooooh_…um… what's _that_?…" Quickly and surely Naruto uses his mad ninja _skillz_ to run away, while Sasuke gives him a one minute start because he knows that when he reaches him there will be _no_ mercy.

"The question is Sasuke, how can _you _get the dates mixed up? and _where _did you _get _those clothes…" Shino's first and only sentence in this chapter was _slightly_ undermined by Kiba's unending guffaws…


	11. Insert catchy title here

_Loss_… _deception_… _anger_… _betrayal…_ and lots of other descriptive (_but probably exaggerated_) action-like words that tries to make this introduction more interesting than it should be (_just like those crappy movies… I mean c'mon, was Cloverfield _really_ the number one movie in America? I beg to differ. In fact most crappy movies are considered "the number one in America". Really, what a rip-off…_) Now prepare for a chapter of such epic (_-ly exaggerated?) _proportions that makes said _"number one movie in America"_ look like an episode of the Teletubbies!! (_even though Teletubbies probably might have more entertaining scenes)_

…and _no…_ we don't _own_ Naruto…

(_C'mon you pansy!!)_

OoOoO On Our Last Chapter OoOoO.

"Yeah, then they will be by our side...FOREVER!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"Hey Tenten?"

"Yes Hinata?"

"You've been hanging around Gai for a considerable amount of time huh?"

"What gave it away?"

OoOoO

"Naruto...of all times, _now_...you want _ramen?_…"

"Well yeah Neji im _re_--_ally_ hungry!" Naruto replied with a tone that only a starving young ninja dressed in yellow could have.

"_Naruto_…"-Neji said with a sigh, then thought _'If I could see I would punch you _so_ hard your _chromosomes_ would be begging for mercy!…' _Then said "Any way _fine,_ let us go get your ramen... It's not like I have any choice but to follow you at the moment" Neji finished with a slightly depressed tone.

"Oi!!" Naruto shouted, "lets _go_!" He then took Neji by the arm and dragged him away.

OoOoO (_Input Jeopardy music here)... since we all know you really don't want to know or care about the shenanigans that went on the ramen shop. But I can assure you it dealt a lot with Naruto eating 10+ bowls of ramen and coyly "_allowing"_ Neji to pay for it on the grounds of Naruto keeping his mouth about any blind jokes he might have in mind… rest assured that the argument was enough to make Neji pay for the ramen plus tip…) _OoOoO

"Ok Neji!!" Naruto shouted with excitement "Now I'm prepared to continue our quest".

"Naruto" Neji asked with confusion. "Don't you want to know why I'm blind?"

"Oh… well _yeah._ I was actually wondering about that but forgot to ask." Naruto said with his usual voice of confusion.

"Well Naruto" Neji said while taking a deep breath. (It seemed like he practiced for this moment. Though technically he mostly practiced his woes about the main house in front of a mirror. He concluded that the transition to other woes would be easier if he replaced that speech with that about his current predicament) "wo--" Neji was then interrupted by Naruto.

"Wait Neji, why are you _telling_ me? Shouldn't you use your weirdly colored imagination like I did?… what did you call those?...umm…"

"…Flashbacks?…"

"Yeah! That's it! Use one of those".  
"Fine… it will be better to make you see them then me talking about it anyway…"

OoOoO _Flashback _OoOoO

The scenery begins to swirl and colors begins to fade. The end result is a black colored universe that seems to be drawn in with a white marker. It certainly differs drastically from Naruto's imagination since it's rather artistically elaborate in its design and use of shading. But despite the fact that the people themselves were well artistically displayed, the background always stayed an even black…

_("Wow Neji, when you told me you saw the world in black and white you weren't just talking figuratively huh? What's up with the really well drawn scenery?)_

_("I guess since after I turned blind my imagination started to compensate for my vision loss. Before I turned blind my imagination was mostly black-outlined symmetrical stick figures in an empty-white universe. Now shut up and watch")_

…By now though, Naruto was watching the events as only Neji's imagination could give them. But five minutes later everything turned silent. The last image was a faded Tenten. A few nanoseconds later the "_flashback_" was back on course. This kept happening more and more often as time went on. At random intervals in the (what we will call) "_Hinata_ _scenes_" the screen turned black and quickly moved on. Naruto eventually (ten minutes later) could only make out a faded Deidara before the "scene" got cut off again. A couple of minutes later the "_flashback_" ended with the customary colors coming back and "reality" materializing itself.

OoOoO _Flashback End _OoOoO

"…wow Neji… That's...that's really something. So you can't see anymore huh?" Naruto said with a slight hint of sympathy for Neji. "I guess this really is serious then. But don't worry Neji!! I will make sure you're perfectly safe! I'll take you where I usually go to get away from everyone!"

Naruto once again took Neji by the hand and ran off, this time into the forest. They both then came to a surprisingly undisclosed cave where apparently Naruto had gone to escape the everyday life.

"Well Neji it's not much but I think we're safe for now." Naruto said with a big yawn. Neji sat down and feeling slightly disturbed, but couldn't explain why.

"I have a bad feeling about this… this has _got_ to be worse than when Kimimaro tried to teach that kindergarten class the bone song…"

OoOoO (_X minus Y years ago) We travel back in time to go to a classroom setting with finger paintings, macaroni art, and little 5 year olds sitting in bite- sized tables (and no the tables don't taste magically delicious!) _OoOoO 

"Ok class settle down...Set--SETTLE _DOWN_!!" Yelled the teacher trying to control her class. The children then sat quietly on their chairs as not to anger the teacher again. "We have a special guest today to teach us about all the bones in our bodies, so here today is: Mr. Kimimaro Kaguya!"

"Greetings young ones" Kimimaro said with his habitually stoic and often politically correct voice. "Today I will instruct you about the importance of the calcified tissue that reside in our bodies"

"You mean bones?" A boy in suspenders squeaked out.

"Yes, that is what I _meant_, but next time don't call out but _kindly _raise your hand, _understand_?" Kimimaro emphasized his deadpan, monotonous tone as an example for the other students.

"Y-yes S-Sir!" The boy dejectedly squeaked.

Kimimaro noticed the tension in the class (the teacher included) so he decided to go to plan B: break out into song!

"Class, would you rather have me explain myself in words or in _song_?" Kimimaro decided to emphasize the word "song" to help them decide between the two options. (It helped that he swiftly gave them the _evil eye_).

The children and the teacher were extremely wary of the "_scary man_" as they decided to dub him of singing _anything. _But of fear of getting another dose of the evil eye they solemnly nodded their heads, unsure of what to say.

"Song it is!" Kimimaro exclaimed (rather monotonously of course). He then started prepare by stretching. The class was confused on why someone would need to stretch before singing. But by observing Kimimaro's serious face, they decided not to question it.

"Ok class, here we go: _the head bone is connected to the neck bone_…"

The children's once interested faces now turned to looks of horror as they began screaming; the teacher followed suit. For you see, Kimimaro, being the most literally-correct man alive, had not only sung the song but also gave a demonstration by making his neck bone protrude out his body to _show_ the children. (In his defense he thought children would appreciate things more if they could see them). Thus Kimimaro hadn't realized the magnitude what he had done. Since the use of his bones as weapons was customary, if not a mundane practice to him, he thought they were either screaming of joy or were mildly surprised. (He firmly believes children overdramatize everything in their lives, why else would they scream at some so _overtly_ normal). His song was soon interrupted by the petrified teacher. The teacher thanked him for coming but it was simply too much for one day. He then re-inserted all the bones back into his body (blood, guts and squishy sound-effects included) finalizing any thoughts of this man not being _human_ at all in the eyes of the class. (Which he considers he is… just a bit more _special_ than most).With that Kimimaro left the classroom leaving the children (and teacher) forever traumatized for life... (hooray?)

_OoOoO Back to the cave OoOoO_

"Oi, Neji…" Naruto said confused. "How can you have a flashback when it didn't happen to you?" Neji paused and looked at the big rock next to Naruto thinking it was Naruto and replied:

"Remember when Lee fought Kimimaro and got himself so injured that Gaara (violently and oh so sexily I might add) brought Lee in his arms to the hospital and left?"

"Well… yeah… _and?_"

"Gai-sensei, Ten-Ten and I visited him three days later and Lee told us of his misfortunes of fighting Kimimaro and being heroically (and sensually) saved by Gaara. That triggered Ten-Ten's memory and told us (or rather _showed _us) about Kimimaro. Yeah, that was technically Ten-Ten's flashback. How else do you figure the rather sparkly and shiny background it had?"

"Oooh… I see now…"

"Yeah, she was the girl on the far left of the class who wasn't screaming (which is probably why you didn't notice her) but had a maniacal look on her eye… she later explained Kimimaro was her first crush"

"Why do you always attract the crazy ones Neji?"

"Speak for yourself, mind I remind you that Hinata is on your trail… and (even though their on a break… don't ask me how I know that) Akatsuki group?"

"… I hate you Neji…"

"… I love you too Naruto…"

A moment of silence stretched upon them when suddenly a loud (angry) scream followed. They both knew to whom those sounds belonged to. It was (surprisingly) Sasuke using his high voltage-powered Chidori. Naruto and Neji thought he was probably training, until they heard his anxious-filled scream afterward.

"Naruto" Neji said. "What do you think Sasuke is fleeing from?" Naruto then replied.

"Maybe he's running from his big brother?"

Neji thought about that and then remembered "There's no way that's possible" Neji explained to Naruto (after advising him not to ask how he knows this) that all of the Akatsuki went on a vacation to Florida that resides in an _alternate universe_. So it definitely wasn't them."

"Wow… those people are loaded with cash! There was an alternate universe I wanted to go after looking at a pamphlet last year but it cost more money then I could make in a 10 years!". Suddenly they then heard the reason Sasuke was running.

"Sakura go _away_!!" And there they had their answer.

"Naruto go get Sasuke" Demanded Neji.

"But _why_ Neji! me and that stuck-up jerk are rivals for _life_!" Whispered Naruto in a loud tone (something only Naruto could accomplish… next to Lee of course).

"Well it looks like your going to have to put that aside now and go get Sasuke. He's having the same troubles were having. With him on our side we just might have an even higher chance of surviving this whole ordeal that the fates have put upon us." Naruto thought about it and dejectedly agreed. Then he fled to rescue Sasuke. After a few minutes of searching, Naruto came across the most frightening thing he could ever lay his eyes on. A scene so horrifying he couldn't believe his eyes! It was the sight of not only Tenten and Hinata working together and plotting, _but Sakura too!! _Sasuke not too far away Naruto decided he might have only one option left: To go right through their path and get to Sasuke before they did…or get caught by their well manicured fingers… Bum Bum Buuuuuuuuuum!(?)

P.S: Naruto wanted to go to the alternate universe where every day was free ramen day.

P.P.S: The violent and sexy phrases come from the show "A Bit of Fry and Laurie"... google it and you will be wonderfully surprised of one (or both) of the main comedians of that show...!

P.P.P.S: I would like to thank you all (Even though it's not so many people that read this...sigh) Anyway! My Co-writer is off to pursue her knowledge of the world and is going to college (HOORAY FOR LEARNING) She will be missed ever so much. So please understand that even though it takes a long time to write it normally...It will now take even longer. Here's what she had to say: I'm going to college soon and won't have as much time as before to update but nevertheless I will faithfull to this story and still update... it'll just take a little more time to do so (for those 3 or so people reading this) thanx for understanding!


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